Three Lies That Rom-Coms Tell Us About Love

What are your plans for Valentine’s Day? Whether you’re spending it with your closest friends, your family, or your significant other, Valentine’s Day has a way of making us think a little more about love.

Valentine's Day is  filled with flowers, cards, romantic movies, and messages about what love is “supposed” to look like. Oftentimes, if we’re not careful, we can unintentionally internalize the lies the world tells us about love and begin to replace the truth of what the Bible says with those messages.

Before we even realize it, we can learn about love—or subconsciously absorb it—from movies and media instead of turning to Scripture for how we are called to love others.

So, what are some of the lies we’ve believed from movies? 

Many of these lies are disguised as charming dialogue, undeniable chemistry, and emotional soundtracks. They feel harmless and sweet. But over time, they shape what we expect from relationships and where we find our identity and place our value in. 

Let’s take a look at three lies from popular rom-coms and what they promise about love—and why Scripture tells a better story. 

Follow your heart. 

In The Notebook, Noah and Allie’s love story is marked by grand gestures, unexpected twists and turns, and a poetic ending that has gone down in history as one of the greatest love stories of all time.

At its core, the movie promotes a simple message: follow your heart.

Throughout the movie, Noah and Allie repeatedly choose their feelings over wisdom, commitment, and the people around them. They hurt others. They ignore consequences. They pursue each other at any cost. And yet, the film presents these choices as brave, romantic, and admirable.

But biblical love looks very different. First of all, love is not a feeling; it is a choice. It is a daily decision, a sacrifice, and a commitment to put someone else’s needs above your own—even on the days you don’t feel like it. True love is marked by faithfulness, humility, and selflessness, not impulsiveness and self-promotion.

Love may not always feel good, but that’s by design. If love were only meant to feel good, do you think Jesus would have gone to the cross?

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us.” (1 John 3:16)

Biblical love is not about following our hearts at any cost. It is about laying down our lives in obedience to Christ, just as He laid down His life for us.

True love will complete you. 

Jerry Maguire gave us one of the most quoted lines in rom-com history: “You complete me.”

It’s romantic, emotional, and memorable—but also misleading. It suggests that another person can fill what’s missing in our lives—that a relationship can heal our insecurities, give us purpose, and make us whole. Without realizing it, we begin to place the weight of our identity, happiness, and worth on someone else’s shoulders.

But that is a burden no human was ever meant to carry.

We are imperfect. We are sinful. We are all still in the process of being sanctified. Asking another person to complete us is asking them to do what only Jesus has already done. Jesus lived the life we could not live. He paid the price we could not pay. 

While real love does complete us, this kind of love can’t be found in any earthly relationship. It can only be found in Christ.  

Biblical love does not ask another person to fill the role that only God can. It frees us to love others generously, selflessly, and without unrealistic expectations.

Your value is dependent on your relationship status. 

This isn’t just one movie—it’s a message repeated across countless films and TV shows. The story doesn’t really begin until someone notices the main character. That’s when everything suddenly matters.

A lot of media subtly teaches us that our worth depends on being loved, pursued, or chosen by someone else. Our confidence, happiness, and sense of identity can feel tied to relationship status.

But Scripture flips that message completely. Our worth was settled at the cross. We are fully known and deeply loved by God. Our value doesn’t rise or fall based on who notices us, dates us, or compliments us. Our hope is anchored in Christ, not in another person’s attention or approval.

“We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19) “You are precious in my eyes… and I love you.” (Isaiah 43:4)

Biblical love frees us to love others without tying our identity to whether they choose us.

Rom-coms don’t just entertain us—they disciple us. We’re all disciples of something, whether we realize it or not. When we’re not anchored in Scripture, it’s easy to start believing the lies the world tells us about love.

Movies, shows, and books often teach that love is about intensity, being completed by someone else, or being chosen. But God’s Word presents a completely different kind of love: faithful, selfless, and rooted in the One who already knows and loves us completely.

No matter what your plans are for Valentine’s Day, remember this: we don’t have to let culture define love. Instead, let God’s Word shape how we love others, how we love Him, and how we see ourselves. True love begins with Jesus, the One who loved us first and showed us perfect love.

Kali Gibson is the editor-in-chief for So We Speak and a copywriter for the Youversion Bible App.